Edge of the Abyss

I stand at the edge of the abyss.
But it's really only darkness.
If only I could shine a light on this dark,
I might be able to see what's there.

It's the noise in the night that terrified me as a child.
It's the memories I couldn't quite grasp as an adult
That constricted my throat and made it impossible to breath.
It's the things of childhood I couldn't speak of,
The darkness that split my being into pieces.
Some part stayed and she's still lost in the darkness.
The rest turned the other way and moved on.

Memories remembered
only partially put the little girl back together.
I'm mostly whole now.
But sometimes
That darkness
That abyss
Fear
Constriction

It comes tumbling back in when I least expect it
And I know it's time to try again to bring light to the darkness

What's there in the darkness?
Who's there in the darkness?
What's that monkey on my back?
What is in the darkness that brings such fear,
That stops the breath,
That tightens the chest,
And constricts the throat?

He's not here anymore!
He's long gone!
What is this apparition that keeps hanging on?
What is on the other side of the abyss?

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