Grief

A Garden Path

Garden path

Our home sits at the top of a long sloping hill. In front of the house is a steep area. The previous owners put down weed block and covered the hill in lavender. It's beautiful, but I don't like weed block. It suffocates the soil and doesn't allow the natural flow of nutrients. It also meant anything in the way of wood chips ended up at the bottom of the area. It was also almost impossible to navigate.

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A Civic Nature

Construction siteDriving down the road
I see new construction
at the business park
near where Jason worked.
Or...
Going to visit family,
I see the road is all torn up
and construction is in full force
Or...
I read an article in the news
about a new restaurant
going into a development
along the river
And...
I think to myself
If Jason were still alive

A Gathering of Family

Mandala at final placeA gathering of family
to honor the birthday
of a loved one, now gone.
Candles fluttering or
flickering out in the breeze.
Flowers placed on the mandala
surrounding his final resting place.
Bits of sharing,
a few tears,
some silence
and some laughter.
Then on to a glass of wine,
a "blech" by Grandma as
she tastes the brew she doesn't like.

Spring's Urging

I'm trying to move,
sadness continues to be
my constant companion.
My mind is a constant swirl.
I can feel the stirring of spring.
I can feel the pressure
of tasks long left undone.
I no longer want to just curl up
in front of the fire,
or stay in my cave
and ignore the rest of the world.
But I also don't seem to have
any forward moving energy.
So, I'm just letting it be,
finding one thing
that calls me in the moment.
Baby steps, I believe they call it,
steps into the now.

An evening of remembrance

An evening of remembrance -
stories shared
with a best friend,
another one who adored him.
Once again
I'm back to the why.
I reach this place of acceptance,
of letting go and moving on.
Then something happens
to bring back the senselessness
of the whole affair.
That darkness he hid so well,
the one that ate him
from the inside out,
the one we caught glimpses of
over the years
as he battled with the monster
known as depression.
How can someone so good,
so loving and giving

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