Grief, Death and Dying

They told me it would be like this. Body declining. Fewer and fewer of those we love in the here and now. Life becoming narrower. But, I never believed them.

I mean it's true. We can have days when the darkness settles, clouds are heavy both outdoors and in my mind. I can feel the weight of it, the texture of darkness painted on my bones.

But I've learned. Not to let the darkness overwhelm me. Instead, learn to move in the dark. It may not be like spring and youth and oh-so-alive. But it's still movement.

Soft and slow. Create. Clear. Learn. Surrender.

Photo by Denny Müller on Unsplash

Content Warning: Suicide and Grief

Watching Y&R tonight
Standing on a ledge
Chelsea kisses Billy on the cheek
tells him he's a good guy
says "Tell Connor I slipped"
she jumps
the screen goes black

Is it a coincidence?
I don’t think so
I could make a playlist
first your song
then two of his -
songs of remembrance

What if we could make peace with death and the choices surrounding it? What if we were willing to have a conversation about death? In the last four years, I’ve learned some things about death and dying. They aren’t all easy. And, it’s left me with questions I’m still pondering.

Visitations - those moments when loved ones who have passed make their presence known.
A balloon landing in a tree says "I Miss You Mom"
A timer goes crazy spinning and beeping in the middle of a family dinner
A knick-knack falls to the floor random, sudden like taking a dive

A night of dreams
visitations of the past
moments of angst
disappointments relived
I feel the emotions
I've been in the stories

Mom
our relationship
​​​​​​​complicated at times
but mostly just love
Over the years
you got better at saying it

The fog has descended
deep darkness
overrides my soul
the spark is missing
the daydreams
no longer hold any light

Here's to the dead *
Honoring those
who have gone before
To my mother
who taught me commitment
and dedication

Those days
when grief wanders in
like the tendrils of fog
in the river valley
slowly engulfing
my heart and mind