What Have I Rebuilt?

I sit in vigil
as my Mom 
lies in the next room
waiting for death
to carry her away
from her failing body
Two and a half years ago
I sat with family
as we set my son's remains
deep into the earth
it has been a period
of deep grieving
and swift change
within our family
What have I rebuilt?
After my son's death
I took a deep dive
into the depths of my soul
looking for clues
feeling the misery
of failed parenting
lack in building a man
who could survive
the gales of living
It has been a long
painful process
of tearing away 
all I held true about myself
and about my children
and slowly I have rebuilt
rebuilt a sense of being 
okay in who I am
found I could love
deeply; and without regret
I now sit in deep reverence
beside Mom 
as she sways
between this world
and the next
I have found a deep well
in my heart and soul 
one that can feed
and nurture and encourage
I am ready once again
to face life 
even as I face death
It will be okay.

The winds of change
blow through our lives
we can stand deep in truth
as a tall evergreen
swaying in the wind
as though it were a breeze
we can let go, allow the wind
to blow us across the landscape
a leaf, fallen and ready to decompose
we can break
falling to the ground
in a million pieces
but no matter how 
we face the winds
the spring will come again
new growth will push through
the crusts of winter's grief
and we will grow 
reaching for the stars
we are resilient 
if we allow Love
to touch our hearts and
bring it's healing balm

Photo credit: Jason Williard (1983-2016)

Wild Heart
Grief, Death and Dying

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