I've been looking at my life lately, digging for the moments when my soul reached out and tried to move me in a different direction. There are many. Some small, almost insignificant. Some brutally painful, causing a rending of self and a searching for answers. But when I consider one moment that everything changed, I remember this.
I was a career woman - Director of Mortgage Lending for the second largest credit union in Oregon. I worked long hours and gave it everything I had. My children were almost grown and I'd been feeling restless. My maternal grandmother died that spring. After we went to her funeral I had this idea of leaving my job and moving back to Idaho. Later that spring I went to the doctor and she told me I either needed to lose weight to lower my blood pressure or she'd put me on medication for high blood pressure.
On August 4th, my daughter gave birth to my grandson. She got pregnant her senior year of high school and had fought to be better than the statistics and won the battle. Now she was a mom. They were living with me so I took a vacation to be with her and help her get started on her new journey. Each day was a sweet reminder of new life.
The church we attended had a tent revival that summer. This was not something normal for them and I attended each evening to participate and connect. One evening my daughter and grandson came with me. He became restless so I took him to the back of the tent. I sat there listening to the message and the music swaying to calm my grandson. I drifted into a deep space.
Suddenly I knew it was time. Time to leave my old life behind quit my job and turn a new direction. I had no idea what was next. I just knew I had to leave. On Monday I returned to work. I'd written a resignation letter but I held it. I thought maybe I'd feel different when I actually got to work, the magic of the moment would wear away and "normal" would return.
By Tuesday, I knew it wasn't going to change. I scheduled a meeting with my boss and gave him my letter. He was stunned. He tried to discuss options but I was grounded in such certainty, I said no. I gave him thirty days notice and he took most of that time trying to convince me otherwise. But I knew better, my soul knew better and I left.
What is your soul calling you to do? What is aching for reclamation? Sometimes we have to tear down one life to build another. I don't always listen but I did that day.
My life since then has been a journey of ups and downs, of wandering and trying to find my way. It's been 19 years since I left and I have never had any regrets. After I left I had other job offers from people who had worked with me at the credit union but I turned down each one. They were an opportunity to return to my old life but not where I wanted to go.
I was on a soul journey and no matter where it took me or who I met, it would all be better than where I'd been. And it has been.