I was out in the garden today pulling weeds and placing mulch around the flowers in my shade garden when the sound of guitar came floating over the fence. Our neighbor was playing these gentle melodies, perhaps to pass the time away or maybe to relieve the stress of his day.
I realized tonight who the Crazy Lady* is. She's the one who makes up stories in her head about bad things happening, or perhaps I should say, life turning out other than what I want. The unfortunate effect of those thoughts is to create chaos in my life. I know and have seen how the negative thoughts in my mind make my life less happy. And, for a long time I didn't let the thoughts creep in.
One of the things I remember most about my Grandmother was her quilts. She was infamous in our family for using remnants from sewing projects or tearing up old clothing to use for her quilting. Everyone in the family received at least one and some had several. My life is a lot like those quilts, pieced together of new and old. Our family had some dark secrets and the healing journey has led me through a sorting process where I left some pieces behind and kept others to become the quilt of my life today.
Much of my life has been spent in fear, keeping me from going after what I wanted and living my life to the fullest. I was unable to put fear behind me and take positive action in the moment until I spent time with a group of people learning to move past their fears. I learned fear did not need to be a roadblock in my life and, in fact, fear could be an ally.